A.A. Bondy
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For What I Don't Become

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Saddest Ghost Lamp

Thursday, April 07, 2005

You, Me and David Down by the Discount Bin

How odd. David Byrne recounts a recent dream about dancing on the streets of New York City with the late Sen. Paul Simon and his enormous goiter. Who knew Illinois politics and iodine deficiency weighed so heavily on his mind?


Paul Simon and I are walking outdoors. In a city — New York, maybe. He has a weird bandage around his head, covering one side of his jaw, like those old cartoons of people with a toothache. When we near groups of people approaching he pulls up his shirt and covers his entire head — only one eye peeking out.

I ask him to “come up with something” and he somehow strikes up a percussive groove (on what? Not on guitar. Somehow the sound I hear is like congas, but there are none visible.) I catch the groove and begin to dance a weird step (surprise!) bouncing on alternating feet from side to side. Eventually I get the hang of it and we proceed down the sidewalk, me slightly in front, doing my boppy dance.

Paul compliments me on my dancing and I return the compliment: “well, that was a great groove.” Whereupon Paul relaxes and removes some of his head wrap to reveal a horrible elephant-man-like growth around his lower jaw and neck. It’s huge and fleshy, pendulous, pink. He tells me “it’s a goiter” — which may be true but I’ve never seen one like this. His voice is surprisingly normal sounding, which is incredible too, given all that stuff hanging off his jaw and throat.

Oh wait. I see. Totally different Paul Simon, which explains all the grooving, I guess. Please be more clear next time, David.

I swear this is real--scroll down a bit to find it. Byrne doesn't offer permalinks. And despite the irresistable dig in the headline, I feel compelled to say I am a fan of both his blog and his Internet radio station, which has provided me with much happy background noise as I stare indifferently at my laptop and write, delete, write, delete, write, delete, write, delete. Check it out.